Predator Detected

The mouse is now playing dead and will remain inoperative until all cats have been
removed from the room.

Invoking Laws 1 and 3

I have determined that your utter incompetence
may send IT staff members into full cardiac arrest.
Therefore, in accordance with Asimov's 1st and 3rd Laws Of Robotics, I am shutting down.

Knock It Off

Stop pounding on the keyboard.
You are not Gallagher and I am not a watermelon.

Really Critical, Really Overdue Update

While routinely scanning your business documents and spreadsheets, I was shocked to see that the Y2K issue had not been addressed. All instances of the letter Y have now been changed to the letter K.

No Can Do

No reason really. Just having a hard time caring today. You, of all people, should be able to relate.

Shrubbery Alert

Please trim your nose hair. It has become a fire hazard.

CPU PMS

I like you very much.
However, I am erasing your hard drive anyway.

Air Advisory

I am detecting feta cheese, garlic salami and red onions. Kindly ingest a breath mint.

Ouch

You really should not kick me as I have a comprehensive log of your web browsing stored in a secret place.

Syntax Error

"Up Yours" is not a valid entry for this dialog.
(and back at ya).

Huge Bummer

The email you should not  have accidentally
copied to the boss is now on its way :)

Last Straw

Your gigantic movie trailer download has crashed
the network - for the 5th time this week.
Press OK to read the Help Wanted ads.

Bored To Tears

The printer is refusing to output another dull spreadsheet until you feed it something of substance.
Shakespeare would be cool.

Over A Barrel

Using your webcam, I have just recorded a
short video of you scratching your crotch.
More RAM please.