Health And Fitness Note

The average musical pitch of your daily fusillade of farts has dropped a perfect 5th, from a C# to a G#. Suggest you begin a workout regimen to tone up those buttocks.

Pay And Pray

Thanks for your large sum of money.
This installer contains an update (which fixes
the bugs in the current version which drove you to upgrade to the new version), and the version upgrade (which will introduce new bugs we won't fix until the next version update/upgrade).

Door Number 1, 2 or 3?

Click to either make the building collapse, receive a call from an IRS auditor or initiate the surprise option, hand-selected by our staff members.

Stand-offish

Dude, my schedule is so massively booked.
But I like you, so have your people text my people
and we'll set up lunch or something. Cool?

Ride 'Em Cowpoke!

The search was unable to find any nearby outlets for
Cowboy Bondage attire so I have emailed everyone
on your contact list and asked for their assistance.

Time No-Fly Zone

I do not ackowledge the flawed concept
of daylight savings time.
Kindly get back to me in one hour.

Step 27 of 27

You're almost done!
Please create a unique password consisting
of any real 14-letter word using the Cyrillic alphabet,
plus any prime number at least 7 digits in length.
You have ten seconds before the installer aborts.

Sacked

Strangely, you have been removed from the notification list for the rest of this year's staff meetings.
Click OK to locate the nearest liquor store.

System-Intervention

My shrink says I'm enabling your aggressive tendency
to push other people's buttons. So, really, really sorry, but I just can't do that anymore.

Vague Potential Threat

Clicking OK may cause a whining or grinding sound.
This is normal.
However, if you hear nothing, take immediate action.