 |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
                    
|
See? Didn't I tell you that would happen? JULY, 2010 Born this month: stay away from Uncle Earl when his pants are off.
You join the Sierra Club and learn the most important rule: "Leave nothing but footprints." You are later arrested by the Forest Service after visiting a campground and taking home trees, bushes, rocks, flowers, signage, trash receptacles - leaving nothing but footprints.
Others seem to turn to you everywhere you are - from work to social settings - giving you a pleasant warm-all-over feeling. Ahem. Your fly is so wide open.
By a quirk of fate, you discover that for the next several years, you will reside next door to an internationally known business tycoon. Too bad that means the cell next to Joe Nacchio.
You join the CIA and become a secret agent. Your first assignment involves infiltrating an Amway cell. You quit. There are some things that are just too dammed hazardous - even for you.
Take stock of the moment. You are naked. You are pretending to fly fish. You are standing on the sidewalk of a busy street. Might be a good time to stop taking the prescription sleep aids.
Take stock of the moment. You are naked. You are pretending to fly fish. You are standing on the sidewalk of a busy street. And you do not take prescription sleep aids. Bwaaaahahahaha!
Someone very close to you is feeling pain. Use your empathic powers to feel his discomfort. Use your ears to hear his anguished cries. Use your eyes to see that your golf cleats have punctured his left foot, upon which you are standing.
You spot an incredibly beautiful woman in the corner coffee joint. You saunter up to her, charmingly introduce yourself and accidentally let fly a lengthy and resonant methane-powered A Flat. That's okay. What's more important: true love or chips and queso?
You have much more on your plate than you can comfortably accommodate. Food fight!
Your doctor says your blood pressure is off the charts and you need to kick back. You go home and try desperately to kick your back - ending up with seven slipped discs. Man, you are sure going to get some quality down time now.
Slow down, you're moving too fast. Got to make the morning last. Tripping down the cobblestones…whoops…aieeee…crack! Cool! Hip casts come in neon colors nowadays!
Follow your basic survival instincts. Become the predator you are! And when you get tired of chasing cows, visit a steakhouse.
You make an extra effort to stay in touch with extended family members. You send pictures of your toenail clipping collection and a few action shots of you swigging Ranch dressing directly from the bottle. You're a little sad when no one replies, realizing that those poor sods must have empty, meaningless lives and no exciting news to share. |
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
