--------------------------------------------------------------------------- June 28 - July 04, 2010

1. Ask strangers if they would like to shake hands and then shake mine vigorously.

2. Propose combining National Horseradish Month, National Baked Bean Month and National Hot Dog Month into National Heartburn Month to save precious resources.

3. See if the Weiner Measure can be applied to hamburgers.

4. Affront strangers; determine percentage that are taken aback.

5. Finish hooking up 40,00 watt PA for 6 a.m. July 4th broadcast of Hendrix's Star Spangled Banner..

6. File patent papers for carbon nanotube-reinforced straws that won't collapse while drawing hard on Wendy's Frosty frozen dairy desert.

7. See how far I can launch streams of toothpaste by dropping various weights of bowling balls on travel-size tubes from heights of 2, 4 and 6 meters. Create pie graph of results and study.

8. Perfect new Mai Tais: Windsor, Half Windsor, Four In Hand and Pratt.

9. Conduct tests to see which color of Behr brand interior latex wall paint tastes best over cold cereal.

10. Visit cheesy car dealerships, accidentally reveal large amount of cash in handbag and see how many free donuts I can scarf before they realize I truly am not going to buy a new car.