Ho Ho! Ho Ho Ho!
Ho Ho HO HO HO Ho Ho!
Mall Santa is drunk.

Meow Mix theme song,
Over and over - and LOUD.
Torture is so wrong.

Facebook is creepy
Conjurs ghosts of distant past
Time to unlist phone

Barren, empty void.
All mankind has vanished. Poof!
I have wicked gas.

Morning comes early
"Spring forward" makes me crazy
Sleep cycle train wreck

Digital TV:
I need a box to watch you?
I'd rather buy beer.

Law of gravity:
Whatever bubbles will burst
McMansion for sale.

Poor St. Nicholas,
Jammed halfway up my chimney!
Too many cookies.

Telemarketer,
Sign me up! Here's some info
I just created.

Only coat hangers
Are harder to untangle
Than ornament hooks

Chain law in effect.
First blizzard of the season.
Must Goth up the tires!

Sex and violence!
Network sweeps have just begun.
Gag me with shovel.

Blank Caller ID.
And call-center background noise.
Prepare to be "punk'd!"

RFID tags.
I battle the tiny spies!
Magnetic long-johns!

Corn syrup. Lead paint.
Impossible to avoid.
World domination.

Lovely Trebuchet,
Fling thy payload heavenward.
Melons make best sound.

New! Shrinking products!
Same great price but smaller size!
Gouging in disguise.

I love counting cards.
Algorithm perfected.
Give me your money.

Wow! Windows Vista!
Now I can crash my machine
Even prettier.

Pogo stick, golf cleats,
Gorilla glue and duct tape.
Let us now aerate!

I love Air Castles!
But they sure do not like me.
Must be the high heels.

Big fat paper jam.
Printer is constipated.
Fetch the olive oil.

Light rail smells funny.
Humanity sardine can.
BO smorgasbord.

State of art cell phone,
Almost as thin as paper.
Doesn't crease well though.

Printer was dirt cheap,
But the wolf wore sheep's clothing.
Ink cartridge hostage.

This toner feels cool.
Jet-black, slippery powder.
Uh-oh. Won't wash off!

Fat jelly doughnut!
Soft, deep-fried precursor to
Angioplasty.

Once, the web was grey.
No formatting to speak of.
Such peace and quiet.

iPod changed my life.
Earbuds made me look so cool!
Now I am stone deaf.

Boss is so funny.
Wants me here on Saturday!
Won't be happening.

This keyboard is hosed.
The f and g do not work.
Where is my hammer?

My packets are lost!
Can you hear me now? Hell no.
This VOIP stuff is poop.

Diet Coke. Mentos.
Supermarket alchemy.
Foamy explosions!

Mmmm. Juicy bacon!
Makes everything taste better!
Thank goodness for stents.

Fire! Fire! Melting lips!
My Habaneros kick butt.
I love gene splicing.

Piece of crap printer
Soars like a sparrow as I
Heave it off the bridge.

Twenty billion gigs
Of brand new SCSI hard drive
Still won't be enough.

Where The Wild Things Are
Who could hose 10 sentences?
Answer: Hollywood.

Dumb GPS fins.
Obnoxious status symbols
Snap off easily!

Clamshell packaging -
impossible to open.
Please fetch the Semtex.

Found the perfect gift
For my weasel-goober boss:
Pointy, cone-shaped stool!

I rattle, quiver!
Could it be a real earthquake?
Nope. Too much sugar.

Velvet black, like coal,
Supper incinerated.
I could burn water.

Dear Sarah Palin:
Kindly stop moving your mouth.
Really. Cease speaking.

Daylight savings time!
Dark is now light; light is dark.
That is so messed up.

Carrier of germs,
Bacteria, viruses!
Oh filthy touch screen.

Laptop is on fire!
2K marshmallow toaster!
Chinese batteries.

My groovy Roomba:
Awesome disc for Frisbee golf,
And it cleans the floor!

Mmmm. Smooooooth aroma!
Buttery diacetyl!
New lung disorder!

iPod listener:
Are you moved to sing "out loud?"
Then please move "outside."

You walk, hypnotized
By your new iPhone's beauty.
Then the bus hits you.

Heatwave has returned.
Good excuse to drink more gin:
Armpits are leaking.

Hmm. I'm just not sure.
Which country lies to the north?
Didn't pass fifth grade.

Yes, we can hear you.
Every single boring word.
Kindly shove cell phone.

New PC won't boot,
Needs loving affirmation.
Pass the 9 iron.

Dread, fear and loathing.
Prepare ye for tide of doom.
School's out in two weeks.

My Beetle just rocks.
Watch me push those RPMs!
Oops. I threw a rod.

No global warming?
How can you say that, you dunce?
Soon, you'll float away.

Instant messenger,
Whack-A-Mole on my desktop:
Put a sock in it.

Caffeine-laced donuts!
Gooey, air-puffed breakfast buzz.
Yes, there is a God.

Dear weather lady,
Blizzard-conjuring priestess:
STOP the freaking snow.

Fruit Salad Island.
Cap'N Crunch and Heineken.
Saturday Mornings!

You were so geeky.
He was the football hero.
Now he works for you.

Hot new hammer drill.
Solid granite turns to dust!
Sinus infection.

Oh strobing banner,
Seizure-inducing cheese ball,
Dream on. Me no click.

My 486.
Bleeding-edge, back in the day.
Now it's a doorstop.

Polygon army
Overwhelms my GPU,
Brings it to its knees.

I drank nine lattes.
I could bench press a tractor.
I must tinkle. Now.

Please hand me that wire.
Thanks! You have solved the puzzle!
The other wire's live.

So you wear a tie.
Stop whining you big sissy.
You want pain? Try hose.

Cursor skips and hops!
Is my workstation sickly?
Nope. Just some toast crumbs.

Ack! Blue screen of death.
My spreadsheet vanishes, poof.
Time for some straight gin.

Powerful boss man,
We joke about your toupee
When you leave the room.

Oh anchor bimbo,
The gleam from your whitened teeth
Gives me a migraine